I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
