At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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