i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
