I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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