Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
