you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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