I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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