I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
