Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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