I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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