Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
