you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
