Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
