Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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