If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
