our cab driver is having phone sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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