The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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