Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
