I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
this hospital has no fireball
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
