Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
