You made me cry and you don't even care
What a fucking waste of an outfit
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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