Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
