Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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