i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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