i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just tell him i said nine months
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
