if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
