So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
