i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
