I want to have your abortion
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
