I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
