no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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