My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Two words: nipple clamps
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