I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
