Already got asked if we're dating
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
