I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We are two peas in an std pod
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
