One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
