Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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