Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
why is half of my head shaved?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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