youre lurking in front of me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
