My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
