Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
