She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
