Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
