Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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