Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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