there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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