That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
