We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
