hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
