highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
where are my eyebrows?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
