My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize