Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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