We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I want is dick and wine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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