The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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