She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
