Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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