last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize