well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
