This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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