You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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