wanna go halves on a baby?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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