The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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