I heard we made out
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize